samsamsam

I’ve been in this alien land for more than a month now and settled in I guess I had. Life is slowly getting to be a routine again, wake up, stare at clock in disbelief, clean up, go lab, work, work, work, boss comes in at 5pm when everybody’s leaving and starts talking, leave late, get back, cook dinner and lunch for the next day, eat, meet a few floormates, complain about the weather, bathe, read some devotion and bible, find something interesting and cant stop reading, sleep past bedtime.

Life goes on wherever you are. Life is about progressing, about learning hard lessons and absorbing other’s experiences. Life is something you have to go through for yourself. I’m about almost feeling complacent now. Like this will cruise on for a long time.

Waking up to reality, I find myself in a land of opportunity, in a place that is a higher level than my previous position. And I ask myself why do I sink into this boh-chap-ness so easily.

Just found out that the unit I am studying at is a special program with special funding (read: rich), for special people (erm, let me rephrase that). I am in an elite community of researchers who are really there for science. Some of the best minds in their field, top scholars from different countries. My direct boss is the grandson of someone famous, whom I shall not reveal in public. Famous for her pioneering in primate study. By supervisor is one of the 50 persons who vote for the Nobel prize winner in medicine and physiology. Imagine that level. I’m up there with the big boys, the top dogs, the fat cats, the big fish. Erm, enough of this.

I just found out that every year there are more than 100 applications to this unit and hardly anyone gets in. That there are collaborations with universities and hospitals around the world, that the publication strength of this unit rivals some big departments. My supervisor is stressed, and stressed because he has too much data to write up to publish. Which one do I do first?

And I ponder over where I am now over lunch (rice with fried leeks and mushroom with roasted chicken with potatoes, onions and carrots).

How the heck did I get in here. The odds are against me, I shouldn’t be here. I’m not a top scholar from where I come from, I don’t have influential links, and my masters work was at best crappy. Where’s my isolated corner for me to rot for the rest of my life?

But God is able to do far above what you can ask or imagine
His grace is sufficient, His strength perfect in my weakness

Some labmates I have talked to call me lucky.
‘do you know how hard and long I tried to get into this university?’
‘you mean you just apply directly to your boss and got the scholarship? Can meh?’
‘how did you get in?’

I have found out the secret of getting ‘luck’. Everytime I go one step closer to God, luck happens, like my job in singapore. After finishing my pledge to my church, I got that job. And now, after I became more active in the church, helping out in various things, luck happened again.

And now I’m stressed, because I cant find a good ‘luck’ source here. God I need a church.